You Can't Make This Sh@t Up

We all have days where the world seems bat-shit crazy and, for me, today’s featured stories in the New York Times confirmed that truth is absolutely stranger than fiction.

In addition to the usual coverage of gun violence, Neanderthals trying to further control women’s bodies, and Trump falling asleep again in court, the following stories were all featured today:

-A year and half after the death of Queen Elizabeth II, a sculpture in the town of Oakham depicts her with three corgis at her feet.

Dozens of Brits arrived at the unveiling with their own corgis. Charlie Farrow, 62, who had brought along her corgi, Edith, said that she thought the bronze queen looked “a little thick” around the waist. In addition to the corgis, there were bagpipes.

-An octopus took my camera, and the images changed the way I see the world.  

I’m a huge fan of Craig Foster’s beautiful film, My Octopus Teacher, but it’s hard for me to believe that these blurry octo-images changed his life.

-The prime minister of Papua New Guinea criticized Biden for suggesting that cannibals on the island had eaten Biden’s uncle.

Let’s just let that one sink in for a minute.

It turns out that Biden’s uncle died when his military plane crashed off the coast of Papua New Guinea during WWII, and his body was never found. Unfortunately, the President mentioned cannibals when telling the story. International chaos ensued.

-Lori and George Schappell were conjoined twins fused at their foreheads. Despite their incredible physical closeness, they managed to lead separate lives — and they said they had neither wanted to be surgically separated nor wished to have been born separately. They died at age 62.

I find that incredibly sweet.

-Karen, a 5-year-old ostrich known for her playful antics, died at a Kansas zoo, after she swallowed a staff member’s keys.

I find this one very sad, but an ostrich named Karen who swallowed keys…

-David Pecker, the former publisher of The National Enquirer was the first witness in yesterday’s trial.  

It cracks me up that the editor of the National Enquirer is named Pecker.  I know. I’m a seventh grader.

Finally, the tragic news that

-After the release of “The Tortured Poets Department,” Taylor Swift-mania has given way to another feeling: Taylor Swift fatigue. 

Ya think?